Mrs. Boresen
Expository Writing
Period 4
Winter Break
January 13, 2009
New Years Eve
Winter break is always a great time, but my favorite night is New Years Eve. We have a family tradition were we always go to Kevin Rich’s New Years Eve Bullriding at the Budweiser Event Center in Loveland. This year we decided to go a little early so I could spend sometime with all my friends.
The rodeo started with all the lights out and they pour gas on the ground in a large circle and light it on fire with music from AC DC playing loudly. Then a ten year old girl I know named Mira sang the National Anthem. My friends like Elizabeth, Leah, Newt, Garett, Dustin, Hollywood and myself decided to sit behind the bucking chutes so we could watch the cowboys getting on. This year the contestants rode as teams. The teams consisted of four cowboys. There was a saddle bronc rider, a bareback rider and two bullriders. The cowboys each took a turn at riding their animal for 8 seconds, and at the end of the night the teams scores were added together to decide on the winner.
Another exciting part of the evening is when they let little kids under the age of 8 ride sheep (this is called mutton buston). It is so much fun watching these little kids try to hang on for 6 seconds. We cheered them all on. This year during intermission they played cowboy poker. They set a card table up in the middle of the arena with four chairs around it. Some of the disc jockey’s from K-99 sat down at the table and then they turned out a small bull. The last man sitting in the chair wins. This year even a girl tried, but she didn’t win.
All the excitement was over at about ten thirty, so we decided to go to Hooters for the rest of the party. Hooters’ helps sponsor the rodeo, so everyone goes to hang out and then right before midnight they have all the scores added and they give the cowboys their awards. The cowboys do this to win money. As you can tell this is an exciting evening for me, my friends and everyone else that enjoys a good rodeo.
The rodeo started with all the lights out and they pour gas on the ground in a large circle and light it on fire with music from AC DC playing loudly. Then a ten year old girl I know named Mira sang the National Anthem. My friends like Elizabeth, Leah, Newt, Garett, Dustin, Hollywood and myself decided to sit behind the bucking chutes so we could watch the cowboys getting on. This year the contestants rode as teams. The teams consisted of four cowboys. There was a saddle bronc rider, a bareback rider and two bullriders. The cowboys each took a turn at riding their animal for 8 seconds, and at the end of the night the teams scores were added together to decide on the winner.
Another exciting part of the evening is when they let little kids under the age of 8 ride sheep (this is called mutton buston). It is so much fun watching these little kids try to hang on for 6 seconds. We cheered them all on. This year during intermission they played cowboy poker. They set a card table up in the middle of the arena with four chairs around it. Some of the disc jockey’s from K-99 sat down at the table and then they turned out a small bull. The last man sitting in the chair wins. This year even a girl tried, but she didn’t win.
All the excitement was over at about ten thirty, so we decided to go to Hooters for the rest of the party. Hooters’ helps sponsor the rodeo, so everyone goes to hang out and then right before midnight they have all the scores added and they give the cowboys their awards. The cowboys do this to win money. As you can tell this is an exciting evening for me, my friends and everyone else that enjoys a good rodeo.
Bailey: I like how you had a clear focus and that your essay had a clear sequence. I need to see more from your word choice and sentence structure. I feel that your writing level is stuck at the 9th grade level. You need to strat editing your paper aloud to hear for the places that you can combine sentences and add more descriptive adjectives.
ReplyDeleteAudience and Purpose: 3
Format: 4
Total: 45/50 90%
Good job sticking to the point. I think you could have had a better word flow. I’m sure it was a little hard to explain clearly because a lot of things happened. But overall you did a good job. It sounds like a really fun night!
ReplyDeleteI liked your descriptions of the night. You write in a clear and straight forward way that is easy to understand. Try putting in a little more detail for those of us who don't know all about the rodeo. More adjectives would help as well. It sounded fun, good job!
ReplyDeleteI really liked how straight forward your story was, it was easy to follow. You also kept the same topic. There were some senteces that could have been worded better though. I liked how you told about each part of your night but next time you should try to be more descriptive on certain parts. Nice job!
ReplyDeleteOh Bailey that was a very fun, interesting and of course hilarious night. I am very glad we went with you. Because of your story I just want to go again next year and have some more fun!!!! I liked your writing and how you make it all flow very nicely. Also your word choices were good to. Again what a wonderful ngith yayaya hehehahaha!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI liked how you stayed on topic. I didn't realize that there was a rodeo on New Years eve. You should try to give a little more details though. over all i thought you did a great job.
ReplyDeleteNot bad, this was pretty well thought of. also that you did seem to have more fun thene i did on new years. I havent realy been to Hooters , but i bet its fun. your flow was pretty good. overall its pretty good. Nice
ReplyDelete